Sunday 13 March 2016

"Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same thing." - Unknown

Sept 30, 2015


Although the details of my reconstruction consult were a bit daunting, I had known a lot of the options beforehand, so it was more of filling in the blanks for the details, as well as what options pertained to me. I cannot tell you how relieved I was that I qualified for the tram surgery. I know a number of ladies who didn’t qualify and when you have thought long and hard about what option you think suits you best, it would be awful to be told that’s not an option. I didn’t ask about nipples or nipple tattoos…yes that comes after and yes that’s another operation…there would be time to ask about those details once I had totally absorbed everything they had already told me…



It was even better that I got to meet up with my girlfriends and sort of celebrate that night…it allowed me to start to look forward to it, even if it scared me a bit (or alot…). That night at the pub I also somehow convinced most of my girlfriends there to join Bobbi, Liz and I in an 8k Run…at night…in the dark….uphill….in November…in Banff…ha guess wine has it’s benefits! It was nice though to have something to look forward to…a girls weekend with essentially a bunch of mom friends who don’t get out much…Banff beware! The 8k run part seemed like such a minor detail at the time I convinced them….(have I mentioned lately that I am NOT a runner ?? I just heard “free beer at the finish” and I signed up….)



It was one more fun thing to look forward to – along with one last camping trip, The Celebration Ride, my birthday, The Run For the Cure…






We went camping and had a great time. This was likely our last camping trip and we were all a little sad when it was over. I thought from the amount of camping we did over the summer that by September we’d be done with camping…but both Phil and I enjoyed it so much we were sad camping season was coming to an end…(yes we may be a bit hardcore in the sense that we camped through gale force winds on September long weekend and TONS of rain but we aren’t winter campers – once there’s snow or temperatures get close to 0 we are done) I guess when camping is your refuge, your time to recharge, it just doesn’t get old…even if you go every 2nd weekend from May till September! Daisy though was in a bit of a rough state when we got there. She was starting to go downhill, but I was so relieved she ended up seeming to really enjoy being out there – she got a ton of walks, and was at times like a puppy again. I resigned myself to the fact this was likely her last camping trip. Ever. That made it bittersweet.




One thing that dawned on me after that camping trip was it was now almost a year since I had my mastectomy. The anniversary of that date was coming up – October 23. I remembered writing – often – in my blogs leading up to my mastectomy that I didn’t know if I could live a year without breasts.

On the one hand, I just proved I could.

But on the other, I was now certain I couldn't live without breasts indefinitely.

The novelty of living “breast free” was gone. I was tired of feeling sexually ambiguous. I think realising it was almost a year started to make me feel emotional leading up to that “anniversary”. A whole year. It might as well have been an eternity. My already rock bottom self-esteem started to tank even more.

Thankfully Phil once again knew exactly what to do on that emotional day a year post mastectomy. He came home from work and said:

"So I looked but couldn't find a card that would suit the occasion or say what I wanted to say. So I got you the next best thing."

And he handed me a pair of melons:



Then we dissolved into laughter. I think the kids thought we were off our rockers because they didn't get the joke. It was perfect. He knew I was feeling all kinds of emotions so wanted to mark the day but also try to make me laugh at the same time.

If that's not love, I don't know what is.

It was an emotional day, but we got through it as we have everything else - together. I was especially glad we had the Celebration ride to look forward to that weekend.


The Celebration Ride is exactly that – it’s put on to celebrate those who participated in The Ride To Conquer. There was a 30k and 60k that you could choose from. Phil and I chose to do the longer ride. And it was great. It too was challenging and scenic. Like a mini version of The Ride. Although there were a lot less people (than who participated in The Ride), it actually made it nice because you could talk to more people. We met a couple who are both signed up for the 2016 Ride. They are from Bassano and were relatively new to riding (we knew how that felt!). We chatted with them at the beginning and then halfway through the ride they caught up to our One Aim group and finished it with us. By the time they left, they had decided to join our team! She is a barrel racer so I am looking forward to hearing her stories and to her fundraising event which will include barrel racing and beer! They fit right in ha.




Like any time spent with my team on my bike, it was a wonderful day. Aside from the riders high afterwards, chatting in the Priddis pub with my team was good for the soul. It made me sad to think winter was coming…but the weather so far was amazing for fall, so we could still ride together for a bit longer.

The following week I had my 6 month follow up with my Kinda Handsome Surgeon, Dr Austen. These appointments are a bit nerve wracking because although I was not having any symptoms, I just worried they'd find swollen lymph nodes or something during the physical part of the exam ha. But Dr Austen has been such a positive, comforting part of this journey that it's always with a mix of emotions that I walk into his appointments. Mostly happiness to see him and my nurse navigator Edith. They are fans of my blog and always seem to remember stuff we've talked about 6 months prior! They are a great team and I am so very thankful they are part of my medical team.

Dr Austen was very happy to hear I had no scans or symptoms in the last 6 months. He was glad I got in to talk about reconstruction to the plastic surgeon he referred me to. As he checked me over he kept talking, which calmed my nerves somewhat. He even reassured me about some on and off again pain around my incisions that was scaring me a bit - totally normal. As the nerve endings regrow or refire, it can cause some discomfort. Also that area takes a very long time to fully heal - so when I do wear sports bras at the gym or anything that sits tight around my scars, it's normal for there to be tenderness afterwards. I told him about how I was in the Leap Magazine for the Alberta Cancer Foundation and they said they wanted to get a copy...I was going over to the Foothills to pick up the last few (new edition was coming out) so I dropped them off each a copy, which they seemed genuinely pleased with.

I think I left with a bigger grin than when I came in. Any anxiety I feel prior to his appointments is always, always completely gone by the time I leave. 

Now I had peace of mind for another 6 months, and was especially looking forward to my 37th birthday, as well as The Run For the Cure coming up in a few days. My birthdays have become precious to me and I felt like he gave me a mini early birthday gift with the words "everything looks great". 

It was going to be a great weekend.